Things I Will Teach My Sons…. My Unborn Scions

Dear Jabali and Salat, my future sons. This is a list of 24 things I wish to impart to you from the wisdom of your father at age 24. At this age, I was between jobs and was still trying to find my way in life. Hopefully when you are old enough to read this I have already found my way and raised both of you wonderfully to be the men I dream that you can become.

Ok, but before you start making jokes of your ol’man you have to know that most of these pieces of advice were thought of when I was high as the Empire State Building.

1. You are my son, not my clone.
2. You can be good at sports, get good grades, and like comic books and everything animation.
3. Talking of Sports, you shall always support Arsenal FC, Sofapaka and your High School Rugby Team.
4. Discipline is the mark of a man with a plan, and ladies love a man who knows what he’s doing.
5. Flattery gets you nowhere; compliments take you everywhere.
6. If that girl has pimples and is bald now, wait two years and look at her again, she’s probably the best thing you’ve seen all day.
7. Do unto girls what you’d like to be done to your sister; you boys are not the only douchebags out there hoping to get laid.
8. Chase your dreams. Don’t let me or anyone else tell you that something is not worth your time.
9. Conversation is king, even if you hate it. Having a good conversation is better than sex { 😉 true story}.
10. Sex isn’t about you, it’s about her.
11. Cooking is necessary. Your mother is not making your lunch after you turn 16, and neither is the Mboch.
12. It’s alright to cry, just not in front of the girl you have a crush on and not after you are circumcised unless it’s during my or your mother’s funeral.
13. Your friends are always more important than your girlfriend. She might be the one you love but they are the ones who were there before her and will be there after her.
14. It’s okay to ask your old man for money when you’re short on a date; it is not ok to support your girlfriend on your old man’s money.
15. Pick a sport and stick with it. If you like hitting people, do boxing; if you like impressing girls, play rugby like your ol’ man.
16. Date a girl from every walk of life. You don’t know what you actually want in a girl until you’ve met all of them.
17. Save, but do not be stingy. Money comes to those who are willing to spend.
18. It’s okay if you don’t speak Kalenjin (or whatever your mother tongue is), just remember what your name means and give your son a name that means something.
19. There is no money left for you when I die, therefore please don’t expect too much. The money is for your sister. You’re men; you should be able to survive without an inheritance.
20. Porn is normal; just make sure you keep it from your sister and your mother.
21. It’s okay to date that weird girl that you like but no one else does. She just might be the one you end up marrying.
22. Be gentlemen at all times. They always win.
23. Read. Sons, real men read. Not Newspapers, but books.
24. Lastly, don’t ever look down upon anyone… I have seen Kharma at work, that bitch is badass sons!!