Dating 2.0

I guess ya’ll have watched Game of Thrones or Breaking Bad or Scandal or Banshee…Ok or Prison Break (I can bet we all watched this one). No series have been extensively reviewed, watched and highly rated by viewers and haters alike like the above TV Shows. So if you haven’t watched all of them or at least two of them, then I don’t know how we became friends. Ok, that’s beside the point!
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Before we all commit or committed to that one person, special or otherwise, we went through a series of relationships, most of them never lasting a blue moon. Ladies will have to agree with me, you meet with a guy in a club or in some random house party, you like him, he likes you, you are drunk, he is drunk, you kiss, he goes for the knickers, you shag, but you were drunk. The following morning you are reminded of what went down but since you were brought up knowing that giving out anything for free is unethical, leave alone your P, you end up hunting down the ninja and setting up a ‘rematch’ just for the sake of proving a point. Especially to your peers who to all their knowledge know you were a night stand. The rematch would be worse, you will realize the ninja is ‘two minute nigga’ and the ninja will realize you are a ‘basin’. Boom!… and then we move unto the next one.

You see, our generation is different; we are confused and clueless lot, especially when it comes to dating and courting. We don’t commit now. We don’t see the point. They’ve always said there are so many fish in the sea, but never before has that sea of fish been right at our fingertips. We think intimacy lies in a perfectly-executed string of emojis. We think effort is a “good morning” text.

When we choose—if we commit—we are still one eye wandering at the options. We want the tantalizing mbuzi dry fry, but we’re too busy eyeing the mediocre tumbukiza, because choice. Because choice. Our choices are killing us. We think choice means something. We think opportunity is good. We think the more chances we have, the better. But, it makes everything watered-down. Never mind actually feeling satisfied, we don’t even understand what satisfaction looks like, sounds like, feels like. We’re one foot out the door, because outside that door is more, more, more. We don’t see who’s right in front of our eyes asking to be loved, because no one is asking to be loved. We long for something that we still want to believe exists. Yet, we are looking for the next thrill, the next jolt of excitement, the next instant gratification, the next one night stand.

Ok, it’s not all lost, others find, many people have found. But again say we find that person we love who loves us. Commitment. Intimacy. “I love you.” We do it. We find it. Then, quickly, we live it for others. We tell people we’re in a relationship on Facebook. We throw our pictures up on Instagram. We become a “we.” We make it seem shiny and perfect because what we choose to share is the highlight reel. We don’t share the fights, the reddened eyes, the night outs.

Then, we see these other happy, shiny couples and we compare. We are The Emoji Generation. The Comparison Generation. Measuring up. Good enough. The best. We input, input, input and soon find ourselves in despair. We’ll never be good enough, because what we’re trying to measure up to just does not fucking exist. These lives do not exist. These relationships do not exist. Yet, we can’t believe it. We see it with our own eyes. And, we want it. And, we will make ourselves miserable until we get it.

So, we break up. We break up because we’re not good enough, our lives aren’t good enough, our relationship isn’t good enough. And, the cycle starts again. Emoji. “Good morning” text. Intimacy. Put down the phone. Couple selfie. Shiny, happy couple. Compare. Compare. Compare. The fights. “Something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is.” “This isn’t working.” “I need something more.” And, we break up. Another love lost. Another graveyard of shiny, happy couple selfies.

On to the next. Searching for the elusive more. The next fix. The next gratification. The next quick hit. Living our lives in 140 characters, 5 second snaps, frozen filtered images, four minute movies, attention here, attention there. More as an illusion. We worry about settling, all the while making ourselves suffer thinking that anything less than the shiny, happy filtered life we’ve been accustomed to is settling. What is settling? We don’t know, but we fucking don’t want it. If it’s not perfect, it’s settling.

Yet, this is not how we date now. This is not how we love now.

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And i guess y’all have watched 50 Shades of Sex oops!..i meant Grey, I watched it and I’m still recovering from the shock that am sharing this universe with ninjas like Christian Grey; oversexed-blue-eyed devils whose only job in this world is to make money, have sex and make more money!!…Ooh Lord am coming home!

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