Last evening I had a very interesting ‘whatsapp’ conversation with a former deskmate from primary school. Ok, allow me to go back a little back to where all these began. About a month ago I was transferred to a town which I literally bump into my childhood friends, classmates, neighbours, exes, exes-exes, crushes, foes….So I happened to bump into Lilian, the former deskie, she has evolved to one hot damsel by the way. And as is the ritual, we exchanged numbers and promised to catch up over a drink.
This never happened. However idleness brought us together over whatsapp and chatted we did, for close to an hour. You know the usual chitchat, where is so and so, who is married, who fucked up his life, who got his shit together and changed, who died(ok we didn’t talk about that, coz we knew anyway)…Then she asked how #Sammy was doing. You see if Sam and I were in this generation, we would be straight up fajjits, or people would think so. We used to be bedmates, playmates,classmates, deskmates(yes, before that left-handed teacher introduced that BS about male-female sitting arrangements), we were literally the Spongebob and Patrick of our time. But I know the reason guys still recall our friendship was due to our naughtiness, every Monday morning during those assemblies, we would rarely miss any list of ninjas who were up to no good over the weekend, either sneaking out, selling biscuits, going for second or more servings, noise making… and when Lilian asked me about his whereabouts, ten years later, I can’t blame her.
However the conversation with her kept me thinking, WHY DO WE FALL APART. I can bet a million bob that we all have that bestie from either primary or high school or even college whom we lost touch, guys whom we don’t talk to no more, ninjas we don’t know if they are still alive or not.
But the truth is that we fall apart, yes eventually you and your current bestie will grow apart. And trust me, I have been there done that. It may be due to a lot of reasons. It may be primary, a huge fight, new set of friends, or maybe because he banged your ex or he hit on your girl. But we have to accept that some friendships do not last, and that it is okay. We have to learn how to stop blaming ourselves, because sometimes there are reasons why we have to let go of some people.
Growing up means that we also have to grow apart. We may miss how we constantly make fun of each other over a childhood crush or an embarrassing moment. We may also continuously reminisce over old photographs and ask ourselves why we suddenly grew apart. But we have to move on and accept that everything has changed. Sure, it’s painful. But it’s normal.
The eve of my graduation, I spent at Sammy’s, in his hostel room, somewhere in the main campus of Moi University. That night we tried catching up on what has been going on in our lives, but then we realized the magic is gone, and our conversations weren’t as easy as before. We cannot laugh over a silly old inside joke or make fun of the same person, we aren’t Spongebob and Patrick anymore.
However, we cannot blame anyone for anything. It’s no one’s fault. It’s just how it is. We have to learn to accept that sometimes it’s not healthy to hang on to some people for so long because it won’t help us become the person we want to be – it won’t help us learn, it won’t help us grow. Sure, it’s amazing how some friendships last. But we have to wake up to the reality that not every friendship does. We can’t always hold on to people and memories even as much as we want to. We have to accept that goodbyes aren’t easy. But hellos after that are even harder. We have to learn that it’s neither our fault nor theirs; it’s just how things are and that’s just how life is.
Some friendships don’t last, and it’s okay. Trust me, I’ve lost a few good ones. And you will too. So make the best of the ones you have now.