Of Matrimonial Bill and Nyeri Men

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:31-33…so the Holy Book states. Over the years however, men have always twisted this law, getting out of their parents’ home and going to form many, wives.

If you thought women domination ended with Eve at the Garden of Eden then you are in for a long treat. Welcome to the 21st Century, where women don’t just sit(or as in many cases, cook) and laugh at your jokes that have seen better seasons while pretending to love your alcoholic brother and her witch(that’s what she will always think of your mother) of a mother-in-law .  The evolution going on at the women island is unbelievable (yet), like the other day I was surprised to see my neighbour changing his daughter’s diapers. Now I know you think am a chauvinistic bastard who still clings to the past and things that baby problems are for women to sort out(which actually is true, all men think that). However my neighbour is a Maa speaking individual, who is on record swearing severally that he didn’t just kill a lion so as to engage in such chores that would be an abomination and a big disrespect to his ancestors, there’s no way a warrior is allowed to touch babies. However there he was, changing the diapers with lots of ease and expertise like he had done it all his life, the king of the jungle had been domesticated. I just shook my head and wished Mr. Njoka, he of the Maendeleoya Wanaume fame was around to ‘save’ a brother.

 It was not a surprise therefore when I later learnt that women legislators had tabled a Marriage Bill in parliament, with among the most controversial (depending on which side you are) clauses after the contentious VAT bill. What I had seen at my neighbour’s was headed for legalization. Life couldn’t get worse. Apart from finding a job, now we had another monster awaiting us. That of marriage, which has been made even harder for to look like rocket science.

“And just like that my King Mswati dream fades away,” Chemosi commented after reading the proposed law. “I know I might not be able to sustain many souls with my imaginary income, but that should not be a reason to deny a brother a chance to have as many wives as he can vibe, I mean, where do we expect the other women to go to?”

“But seriously I don’t think the law is as draconian as it is portrayed,” Nugu was quick to point out. Immediately I knew I was in for a long entertaining evening. Nothing makes these two (or men in general) talk, argue, and even fight more than themes revolving around women, sports, alcohol and politics. It’s even worse when two or more of them are involved concurrently, like it was in our case. “Have you ever put yourself in the shoes of a child or spouse neglected due to extra-marital affairs? Yes that’s among other things the law is going to address.”

“No, that’s just a piece inserted to create a different perspective and probably influence your type, the bottom line is that men will be caged once the law is passed,” Nugu said. “Take for instance that clause where either out of desperation for a quick lay or just to cut short a long conversation with your lady, you promise to marry her, that word becomes binding or in a worst case scenario if by chance she had a recorder on standby then you could as well consider investing in tuxedos and wedding gowns. Now tell me the beauty about that?”

My happy moment was however cut short by a ‘breaking news’ story on twitter, that of a Kiambu lad who had taken the law on being friendly to animals too far. Or maybe he had sensed the effects of the bill in parliament and he was just ‘exploring’ new and ungoverned territories. Could that be reception of the Marriage Bill? Yes? No? Well that’s a story for another day

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